Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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