High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Enjoy the penises
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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