Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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