There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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