I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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