maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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