So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
