the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
