i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
