He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
