sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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