im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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