Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
