Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize