Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
