wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
