WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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