im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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