Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
