he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
