thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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