Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
