I'm jealous of your bromance
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
