It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he was CRYING into my vagina
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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