Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he puts the penis in happiness.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
