Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
