I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
