Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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