so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
