We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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