do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
