I want to make a zoo with you.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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