census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
And the cops told us we were all naked.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
