dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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