Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
