physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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