I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she smelled like a LAN party
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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