So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
