we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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