At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize