Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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