Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
