What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
