Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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