if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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