Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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