Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
