I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
When are your genitals available?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
