I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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