I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
