Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
