You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
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I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
And then he peed in my hair
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