You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Randomize
