I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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