You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
