I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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