My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
