I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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