Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
