Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Watching her eat just hurts me
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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