theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
