Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
