New low: just hacked my moms facebook
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
