You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
