well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's rum buckets o'clock
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
