So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
